creidim | deer country

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deer country

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the arms of the ocean are carrying me
the arms of the ocean delivered me

[ text | voice | omen | action ]

[ She'd noticed that his nose had always been a little crooked since they'd met, but she'd never asked why — never probed about something like that. It wasn't important, in her mind; she never minded the fact his nose was crooked. It was quite devil-may-care, in a way, really.

But the ominous and painfully familiar sounds of clicks makes her sit up a little straighter, her expression grave as her Omni plays out the memory to her. This isn't the first time it's happened. She's seen a memory of Maul's, others have seen a memory of hers. She knows this won't be good, and it comes with the quiet and horrified understanding she knows just who is clicking at Peter here.

The moment is fraught, and she flinches back as he painfully contorts — the horror of his classmates around him, a girl asking if he can breathe. She doesn't want to watch, but she can't not. She's frightened for him, shifting back from her Omni screen — almost cowering, not realising her breathing's grown shallow and rapid in dizzying panic.

Her hands go to her ears on the first slam of his head, and the second makes her cry out softly — the moment snapping and the sound of Peter's screams filling the air, blood pouring from his face, his nose. Luna scrambles to turn the Omni off, scrambling to her feet from where she'd been sitting down at her desk in her bedroom. And she knows: he broke his nose. Paimon broke his nose.

A shaking hand goes to her face, brushes over the bridge of her own nose — a faded scar that still sits there. He broke her nose, too. When he'd tried to... tried to get inside her. When she was we for one brief, intense, painful moment. It went wrong. She lets out a shuddering breath; still dizzy, she feels ill, her eyes glossing over — but yet eerily calm as she stands for a long moment. He broke them both.

Her hand drops to her face as she turns towards her door, her feet move without thinking — her hand finds the handle, opens it. She calls out to him, stepping out into the hallway. There's urgency in her voice to find him, to locate him to where he might be in the house — but she presses down the horror, keeps her voice steady. She doesn't want to worry him. ]

Peter—?! [ She starts down the hallway, not sure where he is. His room? Downstairs somewhere? The next floor up? ] Peter—?

( There are certain rooms of the house that Peter doesn't really go to. Much of the space is now unused, given it's just the two of them living here, even if the memories of a more full house still exist — pieces and snippets of conversation that he'd picked up on throughout the month when he'd graze his fingers against a countertop or touch the frame of a door. A time when Luna lived here with others from her world, back in Deerington.

And visitors, too. The particular ability that his Darkblood gives him this month lets him hear all kinds of things from the past. People who'd come over to her home back then. There's been a quiet delight in listening to some of Luna's conversations from the past, whether they're with other people or softly voiced things to herself. But he's also grown careful about resting his hand against random pieces of furniture, and he knows which places to avoid. Because he'd caught glimpses of their voices: Louis, Diarmuid, Ben, and no matter how much time passes, it still hurts too much—

He does wander, though. He's found a safe place upstairs, in the study space that he doesn't use too much. He's sitting down on the floor, cross-legged and comfortable among a bag of candies and some comic books from the book shop that recently opened. Superheroes were never really his thing, but it's something to do — some mindless entertainment. There's some odd, prickling awareness that maybe Paimon's entertained, too: the colours, the styles, the exaggerated facial expressions, catching the demon's attention. Peter's eyes drag over each panel, slowly, a little dazed as he reaches for another piece of candy and slides it to his mouth.

Then he hears her calling his name from downstairs. Peter slowly sets the comic down and stands up, bringing his candies with him as he makes his way to the stairs to step down them and find her at the end of the hall. Though Luna keeps her voice steady, Peter's initial response will always be worry; his own voice is casual in itself, but there's no mistaking the way he looks her over almost as though expecting there to be something wrong. )

Hey, everything okay?

[ There's movement upstairs, and she pauses in the hallway for a long moment as Peter makes his way to the staircase that separates this floor to the one up above. She looks up, follows his movements. He's almost them when she turns, starts towards him to meet him at the bottom of the staircase. But she stops short when he asks, worrying in his expression: everything okay?

She stands frozen, unsure how to answer the question. Only stares at him, her gaze raising to his face — catching his own before she looks towards his nose. It's never been terribly noticeable, but it's clear that its a nose that's previously been broken — a long time ago, now. Perhaps it might always look that way: the reminder of a brutal action taken against him. And it's a sharp sting; it had been an accident with her, something lost in the chaos of a botched attempt of possession. Paimon hadn't meant to, he'd been sorry, and sorry still — she'd fixed the break, but a mark still remained where the skin had split, now much faded over time.

But something that sits deep in her stomach knows it wasn't the same story for Peter. Her lips purse for another long moment with that thought. She feels a little breathless now she can see him, still reeling from the memory. Oddly dizzy and a somewhat nauseous. She doesn't want the demon around, not right now. Even if this memory might be related to Paimon, she doesn't want him listening to this. ]

Dormiens regem. [ Quietly spoken, almost a whisper; she waits a moment for it to be heard and obeyed. Then with a thick swallow, her hands mutely reach upwards and out for him. The tremble in her fingers gives her away as they find his face, gently coaxing it down towards her — standing up on tip-toe to press her mouth to the bridge of his nose.

The kiss is brief, with her usual gentleness. But there's something else there in it, something poignant. Something soft and careful, almost in counter-weight to the violence she'd just seen. She still doesn't know what to say, doesn't know how quite to sound it out, even if the words are there: 'Paimon broke your nose.'

Her hands move from his face as she pulls away from the kiss, sliding back over his shoulders to pull him into a quietly desperate hug. She's silent for another long moment before she can bring herself to speak, murmuring it into his shoulder: ]

Don't disappear. [ Please don't... mentally check out her. ] ...I saw something.

( Something is wrong. Peter can tell — a quiet alarm registering in him as he takes Luna in, watching her look over his face. His mouth's parting with a soft exhale, his heart skipping an odd, anxious beat. Did something happen? Is she hurt? Maybe someone else is in some kind of trouble, or maybe... someone else has left, yet another precious friend returning to the sea. It seems to be happening a lot lately.

....It isn't her, is it? She isn't compelled to leave him? He knows when it happens, there's no stopping it. Nothing can. You have time to say goodbye, maybe spend another day or two together, but then the sea calls you back.... and you have to go.

The fear of losing Luna strikes like a pinch against Peter's perpetually-raw nerves, and he's swallowing against the nervous tightness in his throat, feeling a hint of the familiar sensation of panic. Then—

Dormiens regem.

The boy stiffens on instinct, eyes widening as the words stroke Paimon's spirit, pulling it forth for a moment. But then just as suddenly, the demon's following the command, obeying without question or hesitation, and Peter's body gives a sharp shudder as Paimon pulls himself into a deeper place within, quietly shuts himself down into that subconscious sleep-state. A pair of golden eyes closes, and he's left alone.

Peter gasps quietly, eyelids fluttering for a moment. She's.... sent Paimon into sleep; she doesn't want the demon here for what's going on. Peter's heart is flittering with more anxiety, and then Luna's reaching for him with those trembling hands, mouth gently brushing against his nose in a gentle kiss. He doesn't understand but he's tipping forwards for her all the same, wide-eyed as the girl hugs him so tightly. His arms come up around her to return the embrace, protective as he holds onto her, staring past her shoulder. )

I'm here. It's okay, I'm here. ( His voice is hushed, soft. She seems... shaken. Maybe scared. Something's upset her deeply. A hand lifts, finds the back of her head to gently brush his fingers into her hair. )

What did you see?

[ She sinks into the embrace heavily, clings onto him a little too tightly. She doesn't dare shut her eyes, the images of what the Omni had shown her feel seared into her mind's eyes. What she's seen has horrified her in such a singular, painful way. To see him ruthlessly haunted, and hurt.

Now she thinks she knows why he felt so horrible. Why he'd been so upset when she'd come back from the dead, when John had brought her to his home; weak and shaky with illness, but even if the injuries that killed her had been healed, there was nothing done about the mess of bruises and swollen skin about her face. She'd managed to fix the break once she'd woken up again, but the damage had been done. She couldn't do anything to help it. She'd had the same thing done to her as he had to him.

There's a thick swallow, trying to work through words. It takes her a long time to speak, to bring herself to explain it — her voice hushed, trying to find comfort as his fingers find her hair. ]

... I think it was a memory. [ There's a short exhale, a tiny shake of her head. ] I saw you, in a classroom. But it wasn't Deerington. I think it was your school from home.

[ She's seen snatches of his home world before; in the form of his family in various ways, in the memory within his home when his mother performed some kind of ceremony to speak with Charlie. But not this. ]

I saw what he did to you— what Paimon did to you. [ He won't wake, even if she speaks his name. He's obeyed her command to leave them, to let them speak in private. Perhaps for the best, as tears well in her eyes and she makes a small soft sound of upset. Some upset at Paimon, but most of it for Peter. ]

I didn't realise he'd done it. That he broke your nose.

( Peter can feel something desperate to the tightness of the embrace, and his own squeezes a bit harder in response, one arm curling inwards on Luna while the other hand stays up in the back of blonde curls. He waits, the silence a taut, anxious thing — he's afraid to hear what's caused this, and then—

'...I think it was a memory.'

Peter gives a soft sound, a sharp breath drawn inwards. A particular pain needles into his heart, feels like something's burrowed right through him. By now, he's learned that a couple of his own memories have leaked to others; thankfully, they're isolated incidents, and seem to only be to people he knows well, but.... there's a horror spreading through him to think which one Luna might have seen. Was it Mom? Was it— Charlie? He can barely breathe, though his heart is pounding away suddenly.

Then Luna says it was a classroom, back in his home, and.... Peter's eyes are widening over her shoulder, lips parted softly. She saw.... that, that time. That thing that felt like a nightmare.

He'd watched it play out once, too. Back in Deerington, when the dream had taken him back into one of his memories. Fern had been there with him. Watching it had been.... surreal, and horrifying; seeing himself from the outside, the particular way the demon had worked him. Unable to properly be inside him, wrenching its way in for just that brief moment; it had been so... wrong. He'd been so wrong. Face twisted, limbs caught, trapped and straining against his own skin. He hadn't even looked like himself. And the pain was— almost unbearable.

There's another soft sound as he hears the tears in Luna's voice, and Peter's hugging onto her for another moment before he gently eases back a little, just enough so that he can look down at her. She'd seen that, seen that awful thing play out.... seen how he looked and heard the sounds he'd made.

And— ....the demon had been inside of her, too. Hurt her, too. Peter wasn't there to see it himself, but he's gotten.... glimpses of it, through dreams sometimes. Through Paimon. It's still almost too horrible a thought for him to comprehend, that botched possession. His most precious person, knowing the white-hot snap of bone between your eyes, the rush of blood, the searing pain so intense it knocks you out—

Peter gently finds her hands against his own trembling pair and slowly coaxes her to sit down with him on the bottom step, both because he feels a little dizzy, and for some attempt to soothe her. He's wrapping both arms around Luna again, keeping her tucked in close to his body. )

I'm sorry. I'm sorry you saw that. I— I never wanted you to.

( As much as she doesn't want him to see certain parts of her past... he doesn't want her to, either. It only hurts the other to see someone they love in so much pain. Peter's silent for a moment, just holding onto Luna and giving uneven little breaths, before he finally speaks up again. He hasn't voiced it like this before, and it comes slow and quiet. )

...It happened the day before I woke up in Deerington. I didn't know what he was. I—I just thought— something was after me. Or that I was going crazy.

My dad came to get me, and I think he thought... I did it to myself.

[ It doesn't take much to coax her down to sit, not with her own dizziness and the nausea rolling around in her stomach. And she can see his own horror, his realisation of it all. But she doesn't want to move away from him; wanting to keep him close, keep a hold of him. He sits her down with him on the bottom step and she moves in close, grips onto him tightly. Her head ducks in against him, trying to bury face into his shirt. ]

I shouldn't have watched it. [ There's plenty regret in her voice. It feels like too much of an intrusion, having watched the memory. She feels horrible for it. Maybe she could have looked away, turned her Omni off so she didn't have to watch it. ] I just... I could have done something to not see it. I don't know. I'm sorry.

[ There's a little breath, a shuddering exhale. She's miserable in that long silence. She can't answer why she didn't do those things, why she didn't just not watch it. She should have, it wasn't the first time this had happened. But she just... she didn't do anything. ]

I never thought to ask how. Maybe it was just something that happened in Deerington, before I met you. [ Plenty of things happen in Deerington. Merlin knows there's been plenty of injuries between them in their time within the dream. ]

... I suppose you could hardly blame him for thinking such a thing, if he did. [ She wouldn't like to think his father would. But even admittedly, Luna can't say she knows Steve Graham all that well. ] Neither of you could have possibly known what was going on.

( Peter keeps Luna close as she buries against him like that, both arms tightening where they're wrapped around her, chin dipping to rest against the side of her head. )

No— No, hey. It's okay. You don't have to be sorry. Not to me. ( He tries to reassure her through regret; he can hear it there so miserably in her voice, and he knows it too, too well. He knows exactly how he'd feel if he'd been the one to see some painful memory from Luna's past. It was... difficult enough to see evidence of some of the torment she'd faced back home from her peers. When he'd literally stepped into one of her memories, and it was mostly good, it was golden afternoons and sweet treats, but... it was hard to see even that tiny piece of something bad. Hard to see any ounce of ache from Luna's past. (No wonder Paimon started hissing at those students, in all honesty.......)

But he doesn't want her to regret it. He doesn't want that. Peter gives her a squeeze and presses his nose against her hair for a moment, nuzzling into her like that, exhaling another shaky breath of his own as they wrap themselves in one another, trembling. )

Henry wanted me to see a doctor in Deerington about it, while it was healing. But I was so scared back then. I—I couldn't... trust anybody.

( There's a name he doesn't often say aloud, though he thinks of Henry Coles often. How he'd showed up on her lawn bleeding and so wrong. He'd scared her.

She'd still helped him inside. )

No, you're right. ( A soft sigh, gentle against Luna's hair. Peter closes his eyes for a moment. ) Everything was so wrong. After Charlie. ( The lump in his throat appears so suddenly that it catches him off-guard, and he stutters a little. ) We were all... falling apart. I could barely tell what was real and what wasn't. And I kept— seeing weird things. Hearing weird things, feeling them. Looking back, I guess... he was after me all that time.

( It's still something Peter's so rarely thought back to. Still flinches away from so sharply. But it's similar incidents that led to him meeting Luna in the first place, he reflects on quietly. )

...When I met you, he was still— like that. Getting upset all of a sudden. I think being in classrooms.... set him off.

I intruded.

[ It's uttered weakly in the face of his assurances and she exhales heavily, burying her face a little harder against his shirt. She does feel terrible for it, knowing she could have simply turned it off, not watched it, anything other than watching what was a very terrible and awful memory from home. But she's said it, offered the apology. She's still going to be glum over it all, eyes falling shut with a little groan of sadness as he gently squeezes her and nestles against her.

There's a pause at that, her eyes opening again. Henry wanting him to go see a doctor. Not just the mention of her, someone even Luna admittedly misses in her own small way, but she remembers the conversation she'd had with Ange a little while ago. Peter... going to see someone, if it were possible. ]

... do you ever think you would? Go to a doctor? Perhaps to talk about things? [ She leaves it open for him. In truth, Luna doesn't really know if he'd ever want to. It's hard, with everything. ]

'The sky has lost a star'. [ She utters it softly, sadly. Maybe she's already told him that before, she doesn't remember. ] My dad used to say that when a child died. ... I think I understand why. Where there's supposed to be light, there's only darkness now, and we get lost in the dark.

[ It... would have been too easy for the hands directing Paimon, wouldn't it? Peter was lost in the dark, his parents too. It leaves Luna with a cold feeling in her stomach. ]

I thought he was a curse, like someone had cursed you. [ Her brow furrows slightly as she recalls their first meeting. It had been so strange. ] Something... wild, and powerful. Maybe it was the classroom, maybe he was lost too.

[ No one to guide him, no hands to direct him. Maybe it was easier to lean back on the things he'd done before Peter ended up in Deerington. There's a long silence from her as she mulls it over before she speaks up once more. ]

Is it why you so upset when you first saw me? [ When John had gone to fetch her, brought her round to his place; her face bruised and swollen — death hadn't fixed those injuries. Even through the haze of exhaustion and illness, she remembered how he'd cried out when he'd saw her. ]

Because he'd broken your nose too? He'd done the same to me?

It wasn't your fault. This place... it's like Deerington. It.... shows things. Our pasts. Forces them out.

( Peter says softly, reaching up to give Luna's hair a gentle stroke with his fingers. Trench is so different in so many ways, but something at the core is the same. This place knows them. Knows what's inside them. It can bring it out. Even Corruption is... personal, individualised. Different depending on the person. But there's not an ounce of him that's upset with her for this. He's only sorry she had to see it at all.

The question that comes after a few moments takes him by a quiet surprise, and he sits there for a few moments longer, thinking. A doctor to "talk about things" is... a very particular type of doctor, isn't it. )

I'm not sure. ( He admits, gazing down at the floor. ) I guess... I probably should, someday. But— I think I'm scared to.

( There's... a lot he's afraid of, regarding that. Talking about things is still so difficult, and the thought of trusting anyone... He's kept his losses and aches so close to himself for a very long time. )

Have you ever thought about it before? Talking to someone? ( Because he knows Luna has her own demons, her own losses and aches and traumas. )

Your dad had a really good way of putting things. ( He says softly, sadly, giving her another little squeeze at the mention of her father. That's... very much how it feels. Like a light has gone out and it can't ever come back, and the universe itself feels that loss. And then there was the way Charlie had died..... something Peter still can't tell Luna about, not in detail. Not yet. Maybe not ever. It was.. impossible for his family to be anything but broken, after that. They split wide open like a wound. )

Yeah, he used to really... freak out the most in classrooms. That's actually how I really got to know Ben. He um... helped me through a bad time there. Like you did.

( Another name that Peter hasn't voiced aloud in a long, long time. It rubs against his throat a little, makes it feel raw. He swallows, and then Luna's asking something that hurts in a different way. The memory hasn't left him, the severity of it: seeing Luna that way. Slowly, Peter unpeels himself from her a little, only so he can turn to look down at her. A hand gently reaches up to frame her face, thumb brushing over the bridge of her nose, barely touching. He feels like he wants to cry, but he doesn't, just frowns sadly at her, practically whispers the reply. )

Yeah. It was my worst nightmare come true. That he'd.... hurt you, that same way. Seeing you like that... ( His lids flutter slightly and he shudders. )

I've had nightmares about it. I think sometimes we... share them. And I'll.... be seeing it happen, like I'm the one inside you. Like I'm the one hurting you.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

deer country | ic inbox

action | me reminded how fuckin awful that scene is 🙃🙃🙃

JustCoupleThings: matching broken noses from demonic possession 💖

hitting this back to personally attack u

rude!! I say, as I fully welcome this pain

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